Awesome Bible Passage - 11/20/16

     Sorry I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. My mom posted my article about voting on her Facebook, and in one day I got as many pageviews as I normally get in a month, which made me feel vulnerable and unnerved. I did give full consent to my mom to post it, so I'm not complaining, actually I am really grateful for the support I got on the post. It's just that I didn't think it through; this is supposed to be my quiet safe place and I'm only coming back here when it feels right.
     But I do want to share a passage from the Bible I heard in church this morning that I really love. It's so clear and well structured, and the words give so much hope to Christians. Reading over it makes me feel triumphant. Being a writer, I love some of the descriptive language used in the Bible, and this is just beautiful.

"I declare to you, brothers and sisters, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: 'Death has been swallowed up in victory.'

'Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?'

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

     -1 Corinthians 15:50-58

     I'm thankful that I personally have victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. It gives me peace and lets me know that everything is worth it in the end because one day I will inherit the kingdom of God...not as flesh and blood, but with my soul which has been brought into the marvelous light. I'm grateful that God had the mercy and grace to save me. :)

Christians, Please Vote

     We're at a turning point in America and the decision we make as a country on Tuesday will affect the course of our nation. As someone who's not old enough to register to vote but is very concerned about the outcome of the current issues in our country, I beg you to use your rights as an American citizen and vote. Whether you realize it or not, there is so much on the line in this election. You might think that your vote doesn't matter, but if everyone has that mindset, imagine where we would be. It starts with the individual.
     You might be the person thinking, 'I could never vote for Trump'. You may think that you could never allow yourself to support someone who looks so immoral on the outside. But this is exactly what the Democrats want you to focus on through anti-Trump ads. The problem with thinking this way is that this election is not about the candidates, it's about the issues. If anything, it's about the Supreme Court. Several issues addressing religious freedom are on the line here, and Clinton will elect Supreme Court justices who will make the already existing oppression of Christians many times worse. Homosexuality and transgenderism are already being pushed in many places, and it's only a matter of time before the government tries to control the way our churches act against these issues. You have the chance to stand up against that!
     On top of that, take abortion, for example. This couldn't be more clear; Trump has said abortion is not acceptable, whereas Clinton voted against bans on abortion. Abortion is murder and there's no way around that. You can't tell me that the life of a human being inside the womb is any less valuable than it is after birth. Women who have abortions are cruelly taking advantage of the helplessness of their baby because they won't take responsibility for their own careless actions. Think about how terrible that is.
     Now think about the fact that you have the chance to change it. While your vote may be small, it matters. And I believe that it is every Christian's moral duty to vote. Even if you don't support Trump as a person, at least vote for the sake of his agenda. Every vote for Trump is a vote against Clinton's shockingly immoral support of abortion and homosexuality and her threatening stance against religious freedom. Think about what's really at stake here, then think about the fact that, if nothing else, you still have a voice as an American citizen. That's a beautiful thing. Please use it.
     And if you're still too lazy to vote, please don't be the person complaining when Clinton gets elected.

     "So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." -James 4:17 ESV

Song of the Week 11/6/16

     I'm going to make this short because a lot of deep things happened this evening and I don't want to dampen the atmosphere. But this is a remix I found yesterday and I want to share it here. I've listened to it twice and it's very catchy because I remember a lot of it in my head. A few quick words on the sound; I love how the future house synth melody counters the beat rhythm in the climax, and that's something you'll find in a lot of future house but I love it. It makes me feel like I've known the song for a long time because that sound is so familiar to me, and yet at the same time, because of that, the atmosphere is absolutely stunning. I love the way the verses flow into the drops as well, especially with the delay put on the 2nd drop.
     I've been a fan of Capital Kings for a while and they're still one of my favorite groups. I have a lot of respect for anything they produce and love the way they're trying out so many subgenres as they grow into better EDM producers, so I'm excited for anything they put out. There's not a single song of theirs that I dislike. I knew future house would be coming from them because they seemed really into it lately and Cole actually saw Oliver Heldens live a few months back which is insanely cool. But I'm so glad I finally get to hear them trying this sound, and it seems like they're natural at everything they try. It blows me away. This is their remix of 'Love With Your Life' by Hollyn.

I'm not going to settle.

     Tonight at youth we talked about how God created us to crave. More specifically, to crave Him. He created Adam and Eve with the desire for food, drink, and oxygen as well as for each other. We all have desires (cue Tristam "we all crave" ok I'm done lol). In our small group discussion the leader was saying that our society in America teaches us there is a specific path to happiness: good education, college, getting a well-paying job, getting married, owning a big house and nice cars, having kids, etc. But this won't always bring happiness. Only God will. The leader said that maybe God will say we can't have a relationship because we're supposed to go in a different direction and we have to be fine with that.
     I was delighted to hear him say this but at the same time it felt a little odd. I'm not normal. I don't crave relationships or friendships because I'm a loner. It's easy for me to not have a boyfriend, in fact it's what I want. Seeing everyone in youth that's my age (14!! so young) trying to date completely disgusts me. I don't say anything, but it disgusts me. I've known some of these people for years now and it saddens me to see them this way because it seems like they're way too materialistic. Like they're dating because they think it's 'cool' or something.
     Let me tell you, I'm never a person to just do something because it exists or it's 'cool'. I couldn't care less what's 'cool'. I WANT to be different. It's one of my deepest desires to be different. I don't know where I got it from, but it's sure there. I don't care what the current 'fashion trend' is because I'm going to wear whatever the heck I want (as long as it's modest and comfortable, mind you). I don't wear makeup because I live to please God, not the world, and in my personal opinion there's nothing wrong with my physical appearance. There's no point in makeup. It has no value to me.
     And I'm the same way about friendships, dating, marriage and kids and everything everyone expects a 'normal' person to do. Even sex. It all looks so black and white to me, because I live in a world of color deep inside. Music makes me more alive than anything else in this world, so I learned from my experience, and I got closer to music. People get annoyed because I'm so different, but I mean come on. Everyone has a different personality because if everyone was the same the world would be boring, right? Now take a step back. 7 billion people and counting on this planet and they all seem to live the same. Can't people see what a trap that is? Why on earth can't I be different?
     Also, what is the point of relationships at all? People seem to associate friendship with happiness for whatever reason. I associate friendship with pain, suffering, brokenness, sadness, and abuse. Maybe I've just never had a true friend in my life. But I don't understand what's so different. I don't understand family either. Okay, you're related to them but what's the point? Why does everybody act like family is the greatest thing in the universe when around my family I feel, for the most part, trapped and empty (no, I do not have social anxiety; I'm actually abnormally self confident for my age)? They're disappointed in my character traits that fulfill me the most. They think I'm blinded because I live in a beautiful reality. They never apologize when they hurt me the deepest. Tell me who's blinded here.
     (I know all that seems bold, and it was the hardest for me to put out, but I really want to express myself here. And those are some of my deepest thoughts. I'm not afraid to talk about them openly here. I'm doing this so I can learn and grow and then look back on who I was previously. But some parts of me will never change, and I'm getting to that.)
     People want me to choose 'priorities'. Okay, I will. The Monstercat Podcast. It's never failed me. Two years now and all it's done is made me feel alive, more alive than anything else in this world by a billion miles (I'm not even exaggerating). Yet people want to force me to focus on things that feel empty instead. If they love me, why don't they just let me run free? I could die tomorrow. Don't they want me to be happy? Is it so hard to let me go?
     Ok, that was a longer rant than I expected to take, but I did want to get these thoughts out there at some point. To conclude, I'm not going to settle for anything this world tells me. I listen to my own experience, and my own experience tells me to follow God and follow music. Tonight my youth pastor addressed those who are on sports teams, have a lot of friends, are dating, and yet feel empty. I'm the opposite. I'm not involved in sports, I have no friends (literally, and by the way, I love it), I'm not dating (and I never will), and yet I feel full. Why? Because I have all I need. What does that tell you?
     They'll try all they can to take it away from me. But nothing can separate me from God and the path He's chosen for me, which is music. So I'm not going to settle. I'm going to stand out. I'm going to be free. I'm going to keep living this way and no matter what happens I'm going to feel alive. I'm in the hands of the Creator of the universe. Nothing can truly go wrong now.

     That was interesting.





[UPDATE] 11/20/18

     I've made this as short and honest as possible. I'm here to clear up a few
things.
     One major change since this post is that I know now where my uniqueness came
from, and it's simple. God made me that way. I've learned to credit Him for
allowing me to stand out and giving me the strength to do so, because I
never would be able to otherwise. But it's not just something "I want"; it's
a calling. It's not as simple as what "makes me feel" a certain way; it's
about standing by the convictions that a lot of those "feelings" stemmed
from.
     Next I'm going to emphasize the paragraph entirely in parentheses. The
phrase 'deepest thoughts' means that the words in the paragraph above were
not concrete beliefs, but the most wild, free thoughts I had; the ones way
deep down in the crevices of my mind; the ones I wouldn't normally share.
And I knew I was being bold in doing so. This post was meant to explore that
ability to share, not to be the angry vent it may seem like from a certain
perspective. Topically, it's all over the place, not nearly as focused as I
would write it now. By the very last sentence I can remember how
experimental it was, and that I knew it was that way and was fine with it.
Even though it was published quickly after being written, it carried a lot
of weight to me. The main reason I felt that way was because I thought this
place could be a haven for me to express my thoughts freely without getting
a large audience. In reading back through this I can feel the pride I had
then, of finally being brave enough to share something different. That was
special to me. But I'd do it a lot differently now.
     The paragraph preceding that one in parentheses wasn't meant to personally
attack anyone by any stretch of the imagination. It wasn't meant to reflect
that I'm not grateful to have the biological family I have, or that I don't
believe God placed individuals where they are with wisdom and purpose. I
certainly do believe those things. This was only meant to share specific
feelings and frustrations I had at the time, and to be open about the pain I
was going through, as I thought I wanted to do here. In my inexperience I
tried to get by that way without also sharing those overarching beliefs I
just mentioned, and I've realized a lot of people could misunderstand that.
     I mentioned I was posting this to be able to look back on what I've learned.
I'm not sure now what I meant by that; however, since then I have learned a
lot about presentation. I've learned to counter my points with clarification.
I've also learned sitting on thoughts overnight, and taking time to develop
them, is important on the internet, regardless of how strongly felt they are.
I'm still learning how to be more eloquent and I think I'll always still be
learning that.
     My last post here explains a lot of why I went silent afterwards. It's
because this place is tied to my past and my vulnerabilities. Two years ago
I came back after I'd been through a lot, and I was struggling to make this
work again; yearning for the avenue of self-expression I once had. Then I
discovered I couldn't feel safe here either. I'm progressing differently
now; spending some time developing and mastering my eloquence internally
so that when the time comes I'll be ready to share again. But it will take
a while.
     I didn't want to come back here. I'm only clearing those things up for
anyone who might visit in the future and read this, since the presentation
is pretty rough. I'm not here to apologize for the shortcomings I had in the
past, but rather to clarify my awareness of them. I'm not taking this down
in case it inspires someone else out there who's trying to stand up for
being different. But it's important for such a bold outlook to be set straight.

Song of the Week 10/30/16

     For those who don't know, I've been a James Bond fan for about five years now. I drove myself insane from fangirling when Skyfall came out and finally got to see it (three or four times) when it was televised a year or two later. When I heard about Spectre's release, about a year and a half ago, I was pretty excited, and I remember listening to the theme song when it came out and celebrating the movie's release day on November 6 by putting a poster for it on my iPad's home screen.
     This one, to be exact:

     (Wow, I just noticed the glass is shattered in the shape of the arms on the Spectre logo. That's really dang cool.)

     But somehow, throughout the next year I all but forgot about it. Until two weeks ago when I learned it was coming on TV and I finally got to see it. And I'll have to say, as much as I loved Skyfall, I don't even know which one I love better now because Spectre was amazing as well. I even made this ring for it, which you'll totally get if you've seen the movie:

     (It may look a little rough but things this small are extremely hard to make out of clay.)

     As a lover of music and atmosphere, the opening sequence of a James Bond movie is one of the most important elements to me, because the song can set the atmosphere for the movie. So, I had to defer this one for another week to accommodate for the song I found last Saturday, but here it is: Sam Smith's "Writing's On the Wall", the theme for Spectre.

     The first time I heard this song, I didn't like it, and I didn't hear it again until I was actually watching the opening sequence for Spectre, which was an amazing experience because I recognized elements of the song after having forgotten about it for so long. But that time my mind started opening up to the song a bit more. By the end of the movie it was still in my head, and I had a new understanding of it. I knew there was no way I would've grasped the atmosphere of the song if not for the movie. And in reflecting on that, I learned that the movie can actually set the atmosphere for the song as well.

     This song has a very soft feeling most of the way through, so a lot of the emotion is set mainly by the vocals themselves. Although the lyrics of both verses are different, the melody is the same, and that always creates a nostalgic feeling within the song. It also makes me impressed with the songwriter's job of fitting the syllables of the lyrics into the melody while also expressing a deep yet tangible emotion through them. I like how the strings after the chorus echo the melody of the verse vocals while using the same chord progression, which alternates between one major and one minor chord. It creates a very trapped and dreary feeling and soft-spoken emotion which in my opinion fits very well with the movie.

     With all the other melodies being the same, the chorus is the only part that's really different. And for the most part it's actually softer than the rest of the song, which makes for a very unique feeling. The high pitch and vocal melody that starts off the chorus is absolutely addictive to me. It creates an eerie feeling which carries the aforementioned emotion even farther and gives it a sort of rhythmic, almost lullaby-like twist at the same time. (It might seem weird to say that, but it's there.)

     I'm wanting to learn this song on the piano now. I'm unsure how others may perceive its atmosphere without seeing the movie as well, since for me they go hand in hand. But give it a listen anyway; who knows what it might do to you?

Song of the Week 10/23/16

     I had a different song in mind for this week but I'll have to save it for the next. I found this song yesterday and I'm so obsessed with it that I've listened to it four times so far and I'm trying not to overlisten. I was listening to TobyMac nightcores (because it was his birthday and I wanted to celebrate) then I got off track and started listening to other Christian nightcores which led to this one. I'd never heard of it before but I knew of Jonathan Thulin so I thought I'd give it a try. It's called 'Masquerade'. I loved the deepness in it and it seemed to pull me in so I decided to listen to the original and ended up listening to that twice yesterday and another time this morning.

     I know all the lyrics by now (they were fairly easy to learn). They hold a lot of truth as they are convicting Christians who are too afraid to let their light shine because of the judgment of the world. The light is nothing to be ashamed of, but it can be hard to stand strong when we're scared. However, the Bible says "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12) Besides, we're in God's hands, and God is so much stronger than the world. This song is a challenge to never hide the light of Jesus, and I grasped that meaning right away because of personal events. I love the way this concept is pulled off metaphorically, which is something I really enjoy doing in songwriting.
     I don't actually know what genre Jonathan Thulin generally releases, as I haven't listened to much of him yet (although I do know his brother is David Thulin, who is an EDM artist, so I'd expect something slightly electronic), and I don't even know what genre this song is. But nonetheless, the instrumental side of it is awesome. It has a nice rhythm, although the tempo is a little slow, but the rapid violin melody counters that and creates an atmosphere which makes you picture dancing in your mind. All that together with the awesome vocal fillers after the hook echo the lyrical concept very well.
     I love the descending rhythm of the vocals in the verses, which are contrasted later by the ascending vocals in the bridge. There is also a suspenseful feeling just after the bridge vocals which adds to the entire atmosphere as well. The chorus is actually repeated four times, but I'm fine with that because I love it. This whole track is pulled off pretty nicely when you break its elements down. Jonathan Thulin is not a very well known artist, but this track is amazing, so I'd definitely recommend checking it out and giving it some support if you like it.

Fan photography for this song; photo cred to me :)

My Cat Got Mad Today

     I have a rather extensive history with cats, as I've lived with them ever since I was born. One of the two cats I have now is a faithful grey and white female that I've had for six years, the only one remaining from her litter of three. She may seem lazy, as she spends much of the daytime indoors, but she possesses an ability to run quite rapidly upon necessity and even to scurry up trees in order to obtain a position on top of our roof. Just the other day I was in the kitchen when I witnessed a great burst of motion in the tree outside the window followed by the cat scrambling up its thin trunk between all the offshoots of evergreen leaves, only to make her way down more slowly ten minutes later.
     The biggest reason this seems a little surprising for my cat is because she's put on some weight in the last couple years and is not exactly the thinnest cat in the world anymore. We tried to ration her food a bit more sparingly but it was to no use. Nevertheless, she's happy and that's all we really care about.
     This cat has several places she likes to lie down to take her 7-hour-long "catnaps", interrupted by an occasional trip to the food bowl (or sometimes the younger cat's food bowl, in which case I have to discipline her), and she often rotates from one place to the other, choosing one for a few weeks and then moving on without warning. There is no transitional phase, just one day she decides to claim a different spot and that's that. She may not go back to the other spot for the better part of a year.
     Right now I'm privileged enough to say that the cat (aka. the household queen) has chosen my bed for her current resting spot. Today she was sprawled across my blanket, trying to drown out the sounds of my mom and I repeating Spanish phrases back to my computer, which was just to the left of her. At the beginning she ignored us and continued on with her nap, but as time went on she couldn't seem to keep her eyes closed and finally she turned and gave us a quite annoyed look, which I know all too well to mean "You're disrupting my beauty sleep". My mom wasn't paying attention although the look was directed at her; nonetheless, the cat held her position and didn't say a word.
     After a while, the cat had no choice but to be fully awake. I occasionally put my head at her level and told her she was such a pretty cat, and she stared back at me with her curious green eyes with pupils the width of a needle due to the brightness of the sun. She was already getting slightly unnerved by my stroking her tail, which for some reason I was suddenly enthralled with. I kept protesting that she had a pretty tail but she would have none of it.
     But all this was nothing compared to when I reached in and briefly stroked the pocket of fat she has sticking out just below her belly, covered with white fur. She reached forward and resolutely slammed her paw down, claws extended, right where my hand had been before. I began apologizing profusely but this was not enough to satisfy her. In her little mind, she had just gotten mad, and therefore she had to look for anything and everything in her path to take that anger out on. I saw the fury in her eyes and immediately saw the necessity to back away so she wouldn't pursue me as her victim. Being in a curled position meant that the first thing in her path was her own tail. She apparently saw the tail and was so mad that it dared to twitch in her presence that she reached even farther and clamped her unrelenting claw down right on top of it.
     Whether she realized her mistake or not I don't know. But she was still not content and soon fell to unleashing her rage on the thin extensions around the edge of my blanket. Gripping the fabric in both her claws, she attacked it and bit into it as if it were a living creature which had just dared to insult her status as queen.
     She continued to do this for a minute, but before long she was sitting up and bathing, then, seeming to have had enough of the situation (or perhaps wanting more food), she got up and left.