Ok, there we go.
Wait, do I want it centered?
Not really.
Ok, that's better. Now let's take a minute and look at that fancy tag cloud over on the right. >>>
Beautiful, isn't it? Yeah, I've been trying to get that on here for a year. So I'm very proud of it. I don't know if I want the numbers with the tags because it's more useful with them but prettier without them. I tend to go for usefulness though. Looks literally mean nothing.
So, let's start with the reason I've been gone. Mostly it's because last year I got an account on a different platform and posted about my life in detail on there so, although this blog was vaguely on my mind, I didn't feel the need to do it here as well. Everything went perfectly there for about six months, and then some drama took place. It got fairly sorted out and I tried moving on with an optimistic approach (as is my natural custom), but the damage was pretty much irreversible and in the following three months my seemingly strong rope came unraveled one thread at a time until I realized (by the means of a Monstercat album, none else) I was hanging on for dear life. Then in one last blinding crash, every friend I'd made while I was there decided to turn on me (which was probably due to a post against transgenderism I'd made three months earlier), and in the space of three days I lost everything I had there. The reputation I'd built, the community I'd surrounded myself with, my plans for the future there...everything. I couldn't take it anymore, and I left.
Even though that's been over for the better part of four months, it was a very mentally traumatic and damaging experience and the dust is still settling in my mind, so it took until this morning for me to think of this blog again. I immediately wanted to come back and renovate it, so I've been working on that for most of today. I went through all the settings, changed my description and profile, added the tag cloud, and then changed the tags on every single post to make navigation easier (no, I don't have OCD, but I am a perfectionist in some sense).
I don't really know what I'm doing here next. I wanted to post something to revive the blog since I haven't posted since the 021 era, which blows my mind, and it's now 029, which also blows my mind (I live my life in Monstercat eras, quite literally). This post was actually a completely empty draft I made, for some reason, on May 28th, 2015, right before Contact came out. (There's a reason I put on my profile that Monstercat is my lifestyle. This stuff happens in my subconscious all the time, although most of the time it leaks through to my conscious and blows me away because it's been so long since Contact, etc.)
But anyway, it's been almost two years since I've posted. And I'm not trying to stereotype, but when you're this age a lot changes in two years. I've learned a lot about myself. My mom told me that the early teen years are more about friends and the later years are more about finding yourself. I'm currently 14 (almost 14 1/2). I don't really care about friends (although that's fairly recent) and I'm pretty sure I've already found myself (although I still discover new things and I don't think that will ever stop). At this point I'm just living and being happy. And that should be fine.
People misunderstand my motives for having no friends. I just don't really get the point when I don't want any. One of the last things I would do is blend into society because it's 'normal'. I'm far from normal. I've always been that way. Right now my entire life is Monstercat and I love it that way. I don't think that will change. EDM is what I was born for, and completely thanks to Monstercat (and the two people who indirectly led me to it), I found that out early. I could never repay them for making me the happiest person alive, but the least I can do is exercise my virtue of loyalty and support them. And that's not hard. I've been hooked on that label for well over two years.
I try to keep a certain level of trustworthiness, and I really don't want to be the person that posts once a year saying they're going to post more often. So I'm going to be completely honest, I don't know how much I'll be posting here after this. It should be a fair amount if things go well and my mind doesn't decide to turn back. (My mind is very sensitive and I already feel weird trying to return.) I don't even know why I'm here right now. I don't know what's going on. But I want this blog to keep developing with me. I'll probably keep it for a long time. It's quiet here. And I like it that way.
